Life among humans means dealing with really confusing mood swings.
Jils is really upset today. She is crying and watching the telly about a big ship sinking and lots of humans dying.
I try to snuggle to comfort her, but she nudges me away.
“Not right now bun-face, I’m wearing shorts,” she says.
I don’t understand why. She usually loves my cuddles. I watch her for a bit. I love my human but she’s been really grumpy these few days. I dunno why. Humans are so weird. One day they are all happy and excitable, then grumpy and depressed the next. It’s so complicated. I poop on the floor. I try to cover it up so Jils won’t be mad, but she notices anyway. I hop away and watch from a distance as she cleans it. She doesn’t seem too mad but keeps mumbling something about having tummy cramps. Maybe that’s why she’s in such a grim mood.
I proceed to hop around the room, looking for cobwebs to eat. I find three. One behind the bookshelf, one under the couch and one around the curtain. There is a fat spider hanging on the web under the couch. I chase it away so I can eat its house. I go hop, hop, hop. It goes scuttle, scuttle, scuttle. I return to the web happily. I am happy because I get to eat it and also because Jils will be proud of me for chasing the spider away. She is terrified of creepy crawlies. When I emerge from under the couch, I nudge Jils’ foot. I hope she’s not still crying.
“Oh my god, you silly bunny. You’ve been eating spider webs again,” she said, half-angry, half-laughing. Oh look, I made her laugh! She tries to clean the grey webs that got stuck on my whiskers but I run away.
I am helping myself to the cobweb behind the bookshelf when Jils’ sister-human comes downstairs to join us.
“Have you been crying?” she says.
“Titanic was on,”
The Jil-sister starts talking about some “hot” guy she likes. Apparently the guy is playing mind games and being awkward. Humans! I don’t get the whole embarrassing, complicated process of crushes or romance. It wastes so much time. And from the shows Jils watches on telly, I think that romance is a mess. There is too much crying and shouting involved. Isn’t finding a mate supposed to be a happy thing? My pop always told me that if you want to have babies with a female bunny, just go for it!
“Where’s Joey?” her sister asks.
“Probably eating another spider web?”
“Really? Oh God I hope he didn’t eat the spider too, cos apparently it’s fatal if bunnies accidentally eat poisonous ones,”
There is a loud thud and my name is being called really loudly. Jils has her scared voice on.
“Joey, where are you? Joey, come out…c’mon fluffers, get out here!”
Oh no. I burrow deeper behind the bookshelf.
“C’mon, fats, I have dandelions,”
Dandelions? Did she say dandelions?
I run out, headlong into her hands. As I munch on the yummy yummy dandelions, Jils examines my mouth and body with her worried face.
“I didn’t eat-ed the spider. I chased it away with my hop, hop, hop,” I say earnestly, but she doesn’t hear.
Jils doesn’t play with me for the rest of the evening. She is on her pink computer, typing and typing. I hop on her lap to take a peek but it’s all words and no colourful pictures.
“Oh you silly, silly bunny,” she says to me but she is still typing and typing.
Boring! Usually she looks at colourful pictures or funny moving pictures and she lets me watch too, from her lap.
I hop away to explore.
I find her gadget with lots of lights and buttons lying on the floor. I hop and sit on it. It feels warm. After sitting for a long time, Jils comes over and nudges me away. She picks up the gadget, fiddles with it and puts it to her ear. She talks into it. What a silly girl. Humans spend half the time talking to themselves, or typing furiously on gadgets. But when they go out they get awfully quiet. I remember when Jils brought me to a picnic and everyone was just typing to themselves on their gadgets and not really talking that much.
“Hi doctor, thanks for getting back to me in such a short time…….Vomiting? No he’s not, no…Seizures? Oh God no. He’s doing binkies but no seizures thankfully……two or three days? ……..Okay thank you so much, Dr. Bagnell…Yup definitely…Thank you. Bye!”
She puts her silly gadget away and lays down on her tummy. I give her my butt because she has been ignoring me all day.
“Oh you grumpy bunny, that was quite a scare. No more spider webs from now on, you hear me? I promise more dandelions if you stop being silly and eating webs, gross dude.” Dandelions? My ears go all perky and un-floppy when I hear it. I turn around and nudge Jils’ face.
She says sorry for ignoring me all day and says something about watching sad movies to release stress and that she hates how busy she is these days and how horrible she is for not watching me close enough.
I don’t understand half of her human garble but it’s okay. I finally have her attention. But she still looks sad. I don’t understand. She’s usually happy and excited around me. I nudge her thigh with my head. She rubs my head. I know she likes it because it’s fuzzy. Except that bald spat. Jils laughed for days when she found my bald spat.
She pats her legs so that means I can snuggle!
Then she says: “Oh crap I forgot I was wearing shorts,” but too bad because I’m all snugly and comfy. She tries to wriggle me away but I don’t let her. She has been busy enough all day and I want attention. I miss snuggling between her thighs. They are warm and comfy. She tries to wriggle again. But I want to cuddle!
I nip her left thigh with my bunny teeth to make her stay. Wrong move. She jumps up violently.
“Ow, ow. Fuuuuu. Oh god, Joey! This is why I don’t let you snuggle when I wear shorts!” She is rubbing her thigh where I bit her. “You always do that. My thighs hurt the most!”
I don’t get anymore cuddles tonight. Jils is back to her pink computer. She is typing and typing again.
More boring words. I don’t understand why Jils faces the computer so much.
I love Jils, but she has been a big bore today. I think it’s the shorts. I hope she wears jeans tomorrow. See what I mean? One moment she’s all cuddly and the next she’s cranky. Oh well, life among giants means dealing with extreme mood swings. But you know, when they’re all cuddly and loving, it’s all worth it 🙂