Assignment 4

Dear furry friends,

Life Among Giants means confusing costumes.

As I mentioned in my last post, humans celebrate everything. And today they are celebrating the dead…by dressing up in costumes. If I were to dress up I’d go as a hurricane, because hurricanes scare the furballs out of me. Yesterday (Hurricane Sandy’s reign of terror) was a literal nightmare in my life. And isn’t that what Halloween is supposed to be about? Fear?

Anyway, Jils went as the least scary thing that ever existed – a bunny. And she didn’t even look anything remotely like me.

Jils and her human

Humans are so weird. I wonder how they would feel if us animals ran around asking for treats in human clothes. Oh wait we do. They do it to us.

My cousin Mary

Them humans just love to mess with the normalcy of nature don’t they? Oh well if they dress you up, don’t complain. It is like Halloween for us. You will get more treats after they coo and caw over how “cute” you look in that Superman costume. Trust me.

While I have been slowly getting used to the idea of Halloween, what I don’t get is….. the skimpy costumes. As if the idea of dressing up as animals or ghouls isn’t mind-boggling enough, the female giants have this tendency to distort their costumes and make it as small as possible.

Exhibit 1:

MUTANT BUNNY??

I don’t know to feel flattered or flabbergasted! I mean, I guess it is kind of empowering knowing that we are so cute that humans want to look like us but this?? This is neither bunny nor human. According to the stories I’ve been hearing while eavesdropping on Jils, the adult humans don’t go out asking for candy like the children do. Instead, they go to parties and get wild.

I guess that explains the itty-bitty costumes. Yah I know it’s hard to wrap your head around the idea of Halloween right? Everything is confusing living with humans. Anyway, as far as I understand it, children go out “Trick-or-treating” in their Halloween costumes, which usually stays very true to whatever they are trying to dress up as.

See, he actually looks like a baby panda!

Human bunnies – that actually look somewhat like us. Awwwww. See isn’t it confusing as hell?? While the children costumes strive to look very much like whatever animal/truck/monster/fairy they are trying to emulate, the older giants go out of their way to make their costumes look NOTHING like the real thing. Well as I was saying, the adults go partying on Halloween and that’s why their costumes are almost non-existent. It’s part of their mating process.

Unlike us, the human mating process is complicated as hell (like everything else in their world). There is a complex web of courting, mind games, sometimes even tears or bloodbaths before they get to actually mate. And part of the initial stage of attraction requires intricate dressing and preening. And apparently Halloween is like mating season for the giants.

Good thing we don’t have to go through that just to find our mates? A bit of sniffing and nibbling and we’re good to go. Imagine if we had to go to parties in ridiculous dresses just to attract other bunnies! Awkward as hell. I’d be forever alone.

Anyway I can hear Jils running down the stairs right now. She is not young enough to trick or treat or she’s giving out candy to the kids. I swear that girl needs to control her raging maternal instincts. When she’s not trying to pick me up, she’s cooing over babies and puppies. Good thing she has a mate of her own or she’d be at one of those parties in one of these:

I don’t even

At least Jils tried to look like one of us. Her bunny ear headband is actually furry and that faux fur coat she threw on actually feels like mine. I’d give her that much. I swear if she ever puts on one of those itty-bitty non-costumes, I am going to shave my fur and look like this:

Sexy

That’d teach her.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s